I Thought I Understood Breathwork - Then it Changed the Trajectory of my Life

I wish more people understood the power of breathwork. It put my life on a whole new trajectory and motivated me to start a journey that completely changed me.

I know how that sounds. Like something you’d roll your eyes at on Instagram. I probably would have too.

The Jill that was closed minded, critical, misunderstanding of anything that wasn’t “vanilla”, despite my curiosity of such things, would have scrolled by that comment real quick.

I was on vacation in Sedona, Arizona with my Aunt Di, Aunt Deb, and my cousin Magen. Yep, I know cliche again, my awakening happened in Sedona.

My cousin Magen practices yoga, I’ve had a passing interest, but mostly was looking for something for us to do that wasn’t just another meal out, another shop, another round of drinks.

I found a Shamanic breathwork session, done outside on the rocks, through Aumbase Sedona. I thought it sounded like a quiet way to spend an evening in nature. Maybe some meditation. I expected relaxation.

What I didn’t say out loud was what was going on underneath. I’ve always loved to travel, but I was drawn to Sedona because of the energy of the area, I was seeking “something” but didn’t quite know what. Mid-life crisis? Maybe.

At the time, I had (and still have) a successful career as an acute care nurse practitioner. A stable job. Support from my husband. Two daughters that are everything, truly my best friends. But underneath all that, I kept feeling like I hadn’t reached my full potential. Like I was always chasing “the next thing.” And that feeling came with guilt and shame - because how dare I want more when I already had so much.

The day of our breathwork session, our guide Daniel led us out to a beautiful spot in the middle of nowhere. He explained what the session would look like - and I pretty quickly realized this wasn’t going to be the relaxing thing I had pictured. This was going to be an active session.

Immediately, every limiting belief I had come up: What if I can’t breathe through my nose? What if my body can’t keep up with all the breathing? What if I do this wrong?

I found myself longing for a trip back to a bar where I knew I couldn’t fuck up the activity in question.

But I was in.

For about an hour, we breathed actively. My body ran hot, then cold, then hot again. At one point Daniel came and took my blanket off because I was physically fighting to get it off me. My hands tensed up, contracted into a clawlike position. I had an overwhelming compulsion to move my body. I felt like I was vibrating from the inside out.

As we moved from the active breathing into the gentle breathing and integration, I started crying. I wasn’t sad. I now know that I was releasing pent up emotion I didn’t even know I was carrying, some of it tied back to childhood trauma, some to my early adulthood. Most of it from the lifelong feeling of never being enough.

And then, for the first time, I understood something. I deserve whatever I want to pursue. If a desire is in my mind, it’s there for a reason. My past doesn’t get to define my future.

On top of that, and arguably more importantly, I felt a profound wave of gratitude. For that moment, for that epiphany, for that place, for people there with people that I loved.

We ended the session with a cathartic yell, all of us together, and then sat and shared what had come up.

Afterward, I became obsessed. How could the breath be so powerful? How could I work in medicine and not know that this existed? I wanted to understand everything about breathwork, Reiki, plant medicine, and how all of it could coexist with the conventional medicine I had built my entire career around.

I pursued and attained multiple breathwork, Reiki, meditation, and trauma awareness certifications. And while the knowledge is important in conducting a safe and effective session, I truly cannot put into words the power of this practice.

I do a full holotropic session for myself about every 2 weeks. Every time, I release a little more. Sometimes it’s tears. Sometimes it’s my body needing to move. But every single time, I walk away a little more introspective, a little more of the self that has been buried by years of bullshit.

I’m not telling this story so that you’ll believe breathwork will do this exact thing for you. I always tell people breathwork will give you whatever the experience is that you need at that moment. Your experience will be your own.

You don’t have to take my word for any of this. I couldn’t convince anyone with a blog post anyway. But if you’re even a little curious about what’s underneath your own noise, come experience a private breathwork session for yourself.